For the longest time I never understood why I preferred being inside and by myself. Mom’s recently told me as a little kid I preferred to play alone in my room or in the corner of our back yard. In retrospect, I remember saying to myself that my G.I. Joes and Transformers got a long a lot better when I was in charge. Applying that way of thought to your adult relationships is all wrong by the way. In my late teens I would go out here and there with my cousins and siblings. I think it was more so out of curiosity and the feeling of wanting to feel like an adult by saying I was “at the club.” Those moments were few and far between because even then, I preferred to stay in.
In my mind then and even well into my mid twenties I thought to myself, hey I’m the good time and I’m the guy all my friends want to hang with so no one could possibly be having that good of a time out in the streets without me. What a funny way of being in denial of the fact that I was suffering from FOMO (fear of missing out). Moving to LA and working in and having friends in the entertainment industry the last thing you can possibly be is introverted. So here in lies the problem.
I go out more often than I sometimes wish too. Don’t get it twisted, I don’t do clubs, but bars, yes, industry parties, yes, and friends get togethers, yes! What I’ve realized and have also recently been diagnosed with is social anxiety. Not something I’ve really told people before but now it makes so much sense. I’m more of an extrovert but because of my low key anxiety it takes a lot mentally to get myself in the mood to want to be social.
A cure to this, aside from popping a good ole Xan, is surrounding yourself with friends that make you feel comfortable. Friends that get you. This is what helps me. I have a solid group of friends who love the same shit I love and although they are wayyyyy more social than I am, they get it when I just don’t feel like it. Still very much an inner battle but a battle I feel more equipped to handle the older I get. A takeaway from this, don’t miss out on life and memories you could create by sitting in the house all the damn time (mom’s voice) lol.