Breaking up

Man, I took a long time thinking about this post.  I really didn’t want to speak on it but I feel like this could be therapeutic as well as a tool for others who may be going through the same thing.  So that I’m being transparent, I recently broke up with, let’s just call them “bae”.  Quiet as kept, we’ve been separated since a week after my birthday in March, however, as breakups go, we still spent a lot of time together following the break up.  Anyway, about three weeks ago we officially stopped communicating.  It hasn’t been easy to say the least.  I sometimes feel like I have some sort of problem because I seem to take breaking up with someone as serious as a real life zombie apocalypse or some sort of national crisis lol.  No exaggeration, I really do take breakups that hard.  I’ve never had the privilege of seeing or knowing how my ex’s feel during break ups but I tend to think they don’t hurt the way I do.  I just feel like most of the people I date aren’t as emotional as me I guess, (I could be wrong).

What makes matters worse, “ex bae” lives around the corner from me.  I find myself refraining from doing things I normally do just to avoid them.  No more long walks around the block with my dog, who as a result has started to gain hella weight! No more skateboarding to the homie’s house who just so happens to live across the street from “ex bae”.  I make sure to stay away from clubs (not that I’m a clubber because I’m not) but I stay clear away because I know “ex bae” likes the clubs.  I called myself trying to get on a dating app (mega mistake) and who pops up less than a mile in my area? You guessed it, “ex bae” with a profile message I’m sure they wanted me to see.  We are truly in a place of no turning back and I have accepted that, however the shit still hurts.

What do you do when you were a loyal, strong, supportive boyfriend who would do any and everything to keep bae happy and it still fails? When you see the signs and realize they may not be the person you want for your future but you love them anyway and you can’t see yourself without them? Questions you don’t want to ask yourself while you’re in the thick of it but definitely questions that come to mind now that you’re alone.  What sucks is today I seen “ex bae” walking down the street as I was returning home from work.  It hit me that this is my new normal unless I decide to move.  I don’t know how to be strong and not think about them so I’m just finding ways to stay busy.  You know we as humans can always give our friends the best advice when it comes to things like this but we ourselves can never take our own advice.  I’ve read countless blogs on ways to get over your ex, one blog said, delete all pics of them and throw away anything that would remind you of them.  That was my first step, didn’t seem to work!  Another blog said stay busy, shit, there’s not enough time in the day to keep track of how busy I’ve been! I’ve been doing more in a day than Beyonce! Real Talk!! Another blog mentioned going out and meeting new people, ummm NO! So I can talk their heads off about “ex bae” all night? Not happening!

I guess the number one cure and healer of all things is time.  I just thank God that this year is breezing by so fast! I’m really looking forward to not hurting and missing “ex bae” anymore.  As far as getting back out there and dating again, I’m cool.  I’m going to play this single life game for as long as I can. Going to figure out exactly what it is I want out of a relationship and if I even want to go down that road ever again…

A broken heart but not a broken dude…

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